The Joy of Sugar Town

*This blog is intended to be read while listening to "Sugar Town" covered by Zooey Deschanel."

I have always been fascinated and obsessed with movies. I have always had a movie that I play on repeat in the background while I write or clean the house and I have always had moments in my life that have felt like I am starring in a movie (which coincidentally was my dream job when I was growing up). Last week, I had one of those days, I picked out a cute outfit, I put on my favorite shoes, and I picked the perfect music to start off my day as I walked to work. As I walked to the beat of my music, the wind kept perfectly picking up my hair and while to others walking by it meant nothing, to me it meant that I was having a movie moment.

I find myself looking for these moments to truly appreciate and take a minute to be thankful for everything that I have in my life. Sometimes it is as simple as a pensive walk, sometimes it is the inexplicable joy of eating a great meal, and sometimes it is sharing a silent yet delightful moment with my husband. While finishing out the month of July and all of the love that I embraced, I have genuinely found myself in a happier place. I am naturally living a healthier lifestyle and half way through the month I decided that it was time for my husband and I to embark on a new adventure together. Before I get into the exciting news, I do want to recap the great things that happened in July, not previously featured in the blog.

My husband and I spent a wonderful weekend (two weeks back) in wine country going to the ballet, drinking great wine and eating amazing food...

(Lobster Fest at one of our favorite wineries, Harvest Moon)

(Awesome brunch at a newly found restaurant, Community Cafe)

I also spent a good deal of time making new recipes and enjoying the process of coming up with ways to make healthy food irresistible...

(One of my new favorite recipes - Breakfast Pizza)

In addition, I spent a lot of time working on my friendships this month and on the things that bring true love and happiness. While last week was a tough one for friendships and may have seen the end of a friendship that I hoped would never end. However, following that situation, I have never been more grateful for the friendships that I have now. They are meaningful, fun, and honest. I feel so blessed to have so many close friends that I know I can count on, share their lives with me, and are just simple and reciprocal. This weekend, I got to spend lots of time with my college besties... some of the best gals, ever! It was Jo's wedding and we were all transported back in time...

(Dancing like fools...)

(The gorgeous bride!)

Now onto the exciting news! My husband and I decided that it was time for us to add an addition to our family... a puppy! Our first daughter, Lily Ana, can be seen below.  First of all, you all already know I love the name Lily (since it is part of the name of this blog). Also, the two Lily's from TV/movies that I love - Lily Aldrin (How I Met Your Mother) and Lily Potter (Harry Potter) are both red heads, just like Lily Ana! She is a seriously wonderful puppy and we are already learning so much from having her in our lives...

(Here's Lily with her favorite toy, Gator)

(Here Lily and I are, ready to go out for a walk)

Now, in the month of August, the theme is Becoming the Change. Since I just started my new position, I think that this is the perfect opportunity to embody this month's theme. Below are some of the things that I will be working on...

• Set out a plan for how to use my strengths to be a better leader/team member
• Take risks and enjoy the process of failure
• Seek to learn skills to help me be more efficient and effective
• Find the strengths of my co-workers and focus my energy towards how we can compliment each other
• Seize the moment

I look forward to keeping you all more updated this month and do a better job in sharing my challenges and successes! So here's to a month of new and exciting movie moments that not only include a new puppy, but also take me to a new level professionally and personally...

The Way to Your Heart...

*This post is intended to be read while listening to "All You Need is Love" by The Beatles.*

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." - Steve Jobs

I apologize for my hiatus, friends! Life has definitely thrown some interesting twists my way recently. But we're not going to talk about that today. While I have some issues with Steve Jobs, I do admire him for a lot of reasons and I love this quote from him and feel that it is so fitting for the focus on July (which I apologize the start of has taken so long to be announced). While I will be continuing my work of organizing different parts of my life (an on-going process for sure), I will be adding to that a layer that I desperately need and a layer that will require a very thoughtful and purposeful shift from myself. July is the month of "All the Love in the World." This month is about opening myself up to the love that I have for myself, the opportunities in the relationships and love I have with others, as well as letting go of the negative or the things that have challenged me and seek the positive in each situation.

Since I have started this blog and immersed myself into my happiness project, I have found myself very in tune with my emotions. I have definitely had a month of venting and getting out how I feel about a variety of topics (which really all started in May when I went on a leadership journey for work), but I believe that this month, I need to shift. I need to let go of things from the past that have hurt me or have been challenges that I did not meet. For some of those situations, the truth is that I was stuck in it, and in some cases allowed myself to be stuck in someone else's thinking or a definition or standard that I didn't believe in. I intellectually knew that I needed to move on, but emotionally wasn't ready. When I first put my happiness project together, I realized that there were several reasons for this, but mostly it was due to the fact that I had lost site of the way to my heart. Love should be at the center of your life, your focus, your future...

Before I jump too much into what I am doing this month, I do want to highlight some great things that I accomplished last month. 1) I seriously focused on being grateful, 2) I celebrated EVERYTHING, 3) I have spent a lot of time being introspective and really speaking my mind.

I have spent time trying out new recipes and enjoying wine along with my fun meals.

I said goodbye to Daphne, my first ever car, in favor of the more practical car-less life in San Francisco to save money and get the most out of my car before it got too old. Part of my getting organized and settling my finances plan from month 1.

In the month of July, I want to continue my good work in finishing the organization in my house (almost done) and continue my celebrations/reflections, but I also want to ensure that all my actions are focused on love. I want to find love again in my work, and not just my professional work but on my own personal projects (more specifically, the book I have been trying to write for years). The first step I have taken towards this is accepting a new position, just last week, on a new team.

Here I am about to open the bottle of Ram's Gate sparking wine I had been saving for my new job announcement.

I believe that when you create your own mold, and truly embrace who you are, as Steve Jobs suggests in the quote above, you dare to create a future and world for yourself that suits the world you want to live in, not the one that you see in front of you. I believe that in order to create this future and world for yourself, you've got to enjoy the process and be super clear about who you are and what you want out of life. I know who I am, I know what I want out of life, I have a new job that aligns to those things - now it is time to start enjoying the process!

The other things that I want to focus on are pretty simple:

• Spend time with friends I love and focus on having fun
• Spend time putting my love into writing again
• Spend time finding fun ways to exercise that help relax and re-energize me
• Spend time enjoying the Bay Area with my husband
• Seek the love in every little thing that I do!

I will leave you with one of my favorite pictures of my husband and I enjoying a day at the beach. Next weekend we are going to wine country for some ballet and lobsters! Stay tuned...

A Lesson From Sabrina

*This blog is intended to be read while listening to "Theme song from Sabrina" by John Williams.*

One of my favorite movies of all time is Sabrina (while I've seen the original, I prefer the Harrison Ford and Julia Ormond version). First of all, I identify with Sabrina on so many levels. She dreamed furiously about a life that seemed out of reach and felt out of place in the world around her. She lived in the shadows of the family that her father worked for. And Sabrina was an insane romantic that lusted over the idea of the man who was her perfect match. Between the thick dark wavy hair, the vivid imagination, and the constant dreaming that went along with being a dramatic romantic, the movie may as well have been about me.

"For eight months, no longer than that, for a year, I sat at cafes and wrote nonsense in a journal. Then one day it wasn't nonsense anymore. I went on long walks by myself. I met myself in Paris." This is by far, one of my favorite quotes from the movie. Sabrina is talking to her mentor about her life and her answer is to open up and meet herself in Paris. This idea is so European - I have yet to come across many folks in the states who would give you this advice.

Lately I have been thinking really hard about the things that I have not accomplished in my life that I thought or wanted to have figured out by now. One of them is just having a life plan in place - where do I want to be in five years? Ten years? One of them is getting my body under control - eating healthy, exercising for my well being, not feeling so self conscious about my weight... When will this end? While I was on my honeymoon, I had a two week period where I went on long walks with my husband, explored beaches and the outdoors, ate whatever I wanted, lost eight pounds, and enjoyed every moment of it. I've started to think that my natural state is actually healthy, but that the stress that I put myself under in my job and my American life weighs me down and doesn't allow me to live the healthy life that I want. Maybe I just need to figure out how to recreate my European self in the states.

I had miraculously met myself in Spain, as a child (I lived there for four years). I had never felt so much like myself. It was like a light was lit up inside of me. A creativity that I had never known was found, a connection to a culture I didn't know that I was missing, and a true appreciation for life was learned. When my family moved back to the states, I had an incredibly difficult time. First, being a Latina in the American culture wasn't easy and, many times, I didn't even realize that that was a factor in my unhappiness and difficulties. In addition, I knew I loved life and knew myself in a way that was incompatible with my classmates in the states. Therefore, I adjusted. I started caring about the things that were important in the American culture and I started to hold myself to different standards that mattered in the states, and honestly were important for me to be successful in the future. This process, which occurred mostly during high school and college, led me to take high expectations both from my family, my environment and myself to another level.

While there were many expectations held by my family and, in particular, my grandmother, as well as the American culture around me, I believe that the extent to which I internalized those expectations and applied them myself were and are incredibly harsh. For example, if I get any constructive criticism, I take it very well, but then I put every single step, decision, choice after that under a microscope and wait, almost breathlessly, for acknowledgement that I am on the right track and doing positive things. This has got to stop. I have to let go and have faith in myself. I need to see the value in what I do, even if no one else reassures this. After all, if I don't believe in myself and the value of myself, who else will? My life cannot be focused on how I affect others but how true I stay to myself. I truly believe that this act will also make me happier. It is way more important for me to operate and complete things by my standards and by my personal principles than appeasing or meeting anyone else's standards. I need to trust myself and believe in my abilities, judgment, and self-worth.

So how do I get to a place where I feel good about my body, my work ethic, my accomplishments and still feel the balance that I do when I'm in Europe?

1) Not only pick out my 5 things that I am grateful for each day - but make sure that one of these is focused on myself (aka, give myself a pat on the back)
2) Celebrate accomplishments and completion of my items on my happiness project - everything should be a reason to party and enjoy myself
3) Just do it a little bit each day - exercise everyday, even if that just means a walk and pick one day a week to enjoy myself (within reason)
4) Make time to pause and be more introspective (ex. Spend time with friends and truly share my life with them)
5) Drink more wine - it brings out deep convos in me automatically (plus Europeans love their wine and I believe it is good for my emotional and physical well being)

Okay, it is a bit of a crazy week so I am going to sign off now, but not without a shout out to myself for making myself a mimosa last week to celebrate my great response to some tough feedback, taking it in stride, and sticking to my guns and just being authentically me in the face of adversity! Until next time!

The Habits that Hinder

*It is intended that you read this blog while listening to "Let's Get it Started" by the Black Eyed Peas*

When I was in elementary school, I have fond memories of having pizza and ice cream every Friday. My sister and I would get to watch TGIF (oh, man, this blog ages me). It was such a treat and my favorite family time memories. My sister and I didn't get along too well when we were growing up (she is five years older than me and I believe that having a little sister probably wasn't part of her life plan). But Fridays were magical - we had our favorite junk food and our favorite shows - it was my favorite day of the week. As an adult, I still don't like to go out on Fridays - they are still my TGIF days. Except now they are usually filled with a delicious meal (sometimes delivery from our favorite indian place) and watching a movie or my favorite show with my husband. Habits have a funny way of sticking to you, without you realizing it.

Last month I started to read The Power of Habit, as I was trying to work on being a more productive person in the office. However, as I started reading the book, I realized how so many of the things that were standing in my way from being a more focused and productive individual had more to do with the habits that I had in my personal life - the little things. For example, it takes me a bit in the morning to wake up and as a technology addicted individual, I turn to my phone. I usually spend the first twenty minutes waking up by checking my email, reading Facebook and checking the New York Times. While this might not seem like the worst habit in the world, it actually leads to me feeling anxious about the day ahead and thinking far too ahead in my day. My morning then either begins with unhealthy habits, like eating too big of a breakfast or not eating one at all or feeling so anxious that I run out the door as quickly as possible to tackle the day.

Part of these habits began when I joined Teach For America as a corps member. As a teacher, your every moment is devoted to your students and I woke up each day with a very specific and focused purpose. My kids needed me and I had a very specific job to do. Part of the reason why I left the classroom was because I didn't believe that I was the teacher that my kids deserved - it didn't come as naturally to me as others and while I loved my kids and believed in the importance and power of an educator, it wasn't the place where I could be of most value to my kids and communities. When I then got a job outside of the classroom, I wanted to tackle it with the same intensity because I wanted to make sure that I was truly serving my community to the best of my capacity. But this has just led me to create habits that bring out my insecurities and anxieties at their fullest, which no matter how you slice it means that I'm not bringing my best self to my work.

While I am really proud of all the work I have done in my apartment in the first two weeks of my happiness project... (See my newest organizational triumph to report. We were able to consolidate all of our books, media and particular supplies (scrapbooking, stationary, journals, crafts, etc) into one beautiful bookshelf!)

I have not really started to tackle enough of the items to make a huge impact in creating a true Balance of Calm (the theme of this month). I believe that my habits have contributed 90% to this fact. In order to truly create calm, I have to do the things that elicit this in myself. While stress is a natural and, in small doses, healthy part of life, it is the ways that we consciously choose to face it that make a difference. By allowing myself to anxiously read my email the moment I wake up, I am creating a constant state of panic as a part of my morning routine. I don't empower myself to face the day, instead I start off my day already worried about all of the things to come.

So what am I going to do about it? Here's my first real hurdle - how am I going to overcome it? Here's the plan! I am going to turn off my email every night when I close out my work day and not turn it back on on my phone until I actually get to work. I am also going to force myself to exercise every morning - on days when I wake up feeling particularly stressed, I will do some yoga or pilates to calm my nerves. On days where I have more energy, I will tackle a run or a more intense Jillian Michaels video. I will also give myself enough time in the morning to calmly eat breakfast, read the news and enjoy my newly organized apartment. I truly believe that this has the ability to positively impact the rest of my day and my mindset going into it. Yay!

Okay, so in other news, one thing that I didn't make as a goal for this month that I also think I need to keep in mind is my ability to truly let go and enjoy myself after a hard week. Yesterday my husband's company had their yearly celebration and I lived it up, as if I were 21 again. See us below on the steps of City Hall.

All right, friends - I promise to update you all on how my morning routine goes, as well as how the new items I need to start tackling (book club, finances, and continuous exercising goes).

Until next time!

The Balance of Calm

*The following Lily Ink is intended to be read while listening to "Today" by Joshua Radin*

As a kid, my family moved around a lot because my father was in the military. I loved moving. I had wanted to be an actress at a young age and each move felt like an amazing opportunity to recreate myself - have others see me the way I wished people did. There was something so exciting and enticing about creating an alternate reality where I could be a better version of me, like different things, do different things... My imagination would run wild and I was really good at it. I learned to tell stories with all sorts of detail, but it would never last. At some point the charade ended, at some point I was caught either in a web of lies or I got tired of trying to pretend to be someone else.

As I have started to implement my plan, I have had doubts that I can actually do this. Will it fail, just like I did when I tried to recreate myself as a kid? Today was a pretty intense day for me personally and the more I thought about what I'm working towards and why, I realized that what I am doing now is really different from what I used to do as a kid. As a kid, I thought that changing my personality would make my life more interesting and that others would like me better for the stories I could tell - I was always looking for the next adventure. Today, I realize that the true adventure of my life is learning to be awake and aware enough to realize that there is nothing better than being YOU (see my first commandment). Without this, you cannot enjoy the little things and truly cherish every moment of your life.

Since we are all on my journey together, I have outlined my happiness plan below. This weekend my incredibly supportive husband and I started to tackle getting our apartment organized (a work in progress). I used one of my old bookshelves to create a pantry.

 

And, we had a great time picking out new furniture for our apartment that would help us reach the focus of the month of June - The Balance of Calm. While our work has just begun, I know that the small changes we have made thus far is already making a difference. I will keep posting pictures as the remodeling continues!

Continue reading below to see how our months together will unfold, as well as to see the commandments I am living by and the lessons I want to keep in mind that I have already learned in my 29 years of life. My plan starts this month and ends the month of January (aka my birthday month). I will be turning 30 years old and I want to be ready to celebrate and ring in my 30s with a bang!

My Seven Commandments

1. Do YOU (because YOU are enough and what is needed)
2. Be the change you want to see
3. Live your passion everyday
4. Be grateful everyday
5. Learn everyday (and failing means that you’re learning)
6. Laugh at yourself at every opportunity (this includes dance parties)
7. Love as often and in as many ways possible every day (this is paramount to everything else)

Lessons from Adulthood

• Making mistakes are the way you learn and if others judge you for them, that’s where they are in their life, it’s not a reflection on you
• Learning from others is one of the most enjoyable acts of life
• Give of yourself, it means more to others than you will ever know
• Always assume the best – assuming the worst just turns energy in a negative direction
• Following your passion is more important than your paycheck – if you can follow your passion while getting a sweet paycheck, you are blessed
• Relationships are what make us human – take time to enjoy them and stay connected
• Being stressed is not equal to being unhappy
• There is no one leader that will change the world – we are a collective and we need to work together
• Draw on your strengths at every opportunity because you can’t be great at everything (it just wouldn’t be fair)
• Smiling and laughing are just as important as thinking and analyzing (if not more so)
• When you are you, everything is better
• Fear is a scapegoat – don’t let it get into your head (you’re stronger than that)
• People can only give you what you tell them you need
• NO ONE IS PERFECT so have some patience

Month	Theme
June	The Balance of Calm
July	All the Love in the World
August	Becoming the Change
September	Channeling Jossalyn (aka Joy)
October	Giving is Better than Receiving
November	Focus on the Inside
December	Attitude is Everything
January	Being Me

Each month will have specific resolutions that I am working on - see June's resolutions below...

June's Resolutions:

- Organize and set the stage for calm (get organized in the apartment, finances, calendar, work system, schedule for book, set up blog to keep track of this project)

- Eat healthy

- Exercise 4x a week

- Start a book club with Kristin

- Sleep at least 8 hours a day

- Limit the amount of television I watch a week (choose the 3-4 shows I will watch a week and eliminate the rest)

See you in a week, friends!

The Start of Lily Ink

I don't know about the rest of you, but it is easier for me (when communicating with the vast, open internet) to pretend like we are all old friends that have known each other for years and that every conversation just picks up where the last one left off. But, in order for us to get to that place together, I've got to inevitably share some of myself with you.

So here are the 7 things you absolutely need to know about me:
1) My real name is Denise
2) This is the first blog I've ever successfully started
3) I am married to an incredible man that I never want to live without
4) I am extremely blessed and grateful for everything in my life
5) Nothing makes me feel better faster than listening to music and singing along
6) I just read The Happiness Project and this blog is my first step in my own happiness adventure
7) The name of this blog "Lily Ink" comes from the meaning of a lily of the valley - return to happiness - since I am seeking a new level of happiness through this blog or ink as evidence of my plateaus, lessons learned and triumphs

Have you ever seen a picture that someone has taken of you and not even recognize yourself? Well, I just came back from a leadership retreat where I had so many moments like that (including some pictures I have to come to terms with as well). As uncomfortable as those moments can be, they are kind of everything. After all, the moment we stop learning and growing is the moment we miss out on life. As I left that retreat craving more and seeking some sort of stability and continued commitment to my growth, I stopped at a bookstore and bought The Happiness Project, after ruling out eight other books.

I spent a five hour airplane ride reading most of the book and writing out my own happiness plan. So here's where you come into the picture, I have a strong belief in the power of the collective and I believe that the more minds out there experiencing my project via Lily Ink, the more powerful the experience will be.

So this ink today is designed to make a clean start and be honest about who I am, where I am in my life journey, and learn each day how to be happier with myself and my life. You will all be my witnesses and support system throughout the next seven months of my own happiness project. So buckle your seatbelts... The adventure begins on June 1st! Mark your calendars and stay tuned...